A Brief Interlude
by Center of the Galaxy
Summary: "This was never supposed to happen. Sam never should've been left alone, you shouldn't have gone after Amara, you should've picked up your phone when your baby brother called, but you didn't and now your little brother is in Hell with Lucifer, trapped once again in the Cage. And it's your fault." *season 11 spoilers, two-shot, guilty!Dean, hurt!Sam*
1. Choices

_**Author's Note:**_ _Sam is in Hell with Lucifer and I have feels! So spoilers for season 11, but since I haven't really been keeping up with that season all too closely there probably won't be many of them in here. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

" _I went down to the river,_

 _I set down on the bank._

 _I tried to think but couldn't,_

 _So I jumped in and sank."_

― _Langston Hughes_

* * *

This was never supposed to happen.

Sam should've never been left alone, you shouldn't have gone after Amara, you should've picked up your phone when your baby brother called, but you didn't and now your little brother is in Hell with Lucifer, trapped once again in the Cage.

And it's your fault.

It's been hours since you returned to the bunker, since Castiel told you with a shaky voice what Rowena had done, and here you are, sitting, waiting, while Sam is being tortured for what might be an eternity. Every cut your brother receives, every blow he suffers—it's your fault. You know it, Cas knows it, even Sam probably does too if he can think through the pain and all you can do for your brother is wait.

Rowena and Crowley are checking over a few spells, trying to figure out a way to let Sam out of the Cage without letting Lucifer out, but tension rolls through you. You are itching for a fight, ready to spring into action if the situation arises.

This is your fault.

"Dean?"

Cas stands before you, a mug of tea held in his outstretched hand. You shake your head, dismissing it, but the angel is insistent, pushing it in your field of vision once more. You take it and take a sip of the bitter liquid, but it does little to calm you.

"We'll get him out, Dean." The angel tells you with a soft smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He doesn't know if they can do it, if they can actually save Sam, not without unleashing the Devil on the world. There's a question that the angel is afraid to ask—will you damn the world to save Sam?

And honestly, you know what the answer is, as selfish as it is, as wrong as other people might deem it.

You'd do anything for Sam.

Anything at all.

But right now, you just need to focus on getting to Sam and then you can worry about getting Sam out.

"It's not your fault." Castiel places a hand on your shoulder, tries to reassure you, but you shake your head and dismiss him because you know the truth.

Sam is in Hell.

And it is all your fault.

* * *

Time passes slowly.

As dawn starts to break, your eyes are burning from the lack of sleep and the adrenaline is starting to seep out from your body and your mind is foggy, but you can't allow yourself to rest.

"You look like crap."

Crowley stands before you and you huff out a dark chuckle. The King of Hell, teasing you once more, how fucked up is that?

"Find anything?" You choose to say instead, forcing yourself to meet his gaze and trying to appear stronger than you are. Truth is though, you're on the verge of collapse, your mind and body exhausted, and you're terrified.

Will this be the time you lose Sam forever?

"Nothing yet." Crowley takes a seat at the table next to you and regards you with a bemused grin on his lips.

"What?" You hiss. You're itching for a fight and all it would take is one careless word to set you off.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Yesterday."

"C'mon Squirrel," Crowley chides softly, sounding like a worried mother hen. "You think you can just bust Moose out of the Cage on sheer adrenaline?"

"Since when have you ever cared—?" The venom drips from your words, but Crowley takes no offense.

"Fine," He rises from the table and chuckles at you. "You want to get us all killed? Good. But I doubt your brother would be so amenable to your plan."

By the time you open your mouth to reply, Crowley is gone.

* * *

You sleep.

You dream of Sam's screams echoing, of him being just out of reach, of blood that flows in rivers, of your little brother's lifeless eyes staring upwards at you.

And through it all, Lucifer just cackles.

 _I guess I owe you a thank you, Dean. After all, you did this._

Six hours later, you wake up.

* * *

Castiel is there when you get into the kitchen, the angel's brow furrowed as he regards whatever he has on the plate he's holding.

"Cas—?"

"I made you breakfast." The angel states softly, somewhat sheepishly as he shows you the burnt mess on his plate. You think that perhaps they began life as eggs, but Castiel has managed to burn them enough to erase all recognition.

"Thanks."

You can't eat it, but it's a kind gesture.

"When Sam returns, I shall ask him to teach me once more."

You swallow past the lump of emotion clogging your throat and you nod, "Yeah, sounds like a plan."

It's been two days since Sam returned to Hell and to your younger brother that must be a small eternity. The torture he must be enduring, the suffering at Lucifer's hand—it's all your fault.

"Dean."

Castiel's cerulean gaze is suddenly inches away from your face and you do your best not to stagger back in surprise.

"We will get him back."

You manage to say, "Yeah, I know."

But you've never been patient, never been one to be able to step back and let someone else do the necessary work—you've always been the take action, deal with the consequences later kind of guy.

"And Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop blaming yourself."

It's easier said than done.

* * *

Dad would be so disappointed in you right now.

John Winchester would've never allowed this to happen. He would've been one step ahead the plan or figure out some ingenious way to rescue Sam without the threat of possibly freeing Lucifer. If you were more like your dad, Sam wouldn't be even in this mess.

Then again, if you were more like your dad, you'd probably be dead. Sam would be dead. You would've killed him when he asked you to, all those years ago. Your father would've seen the big picture, would've weighed Sam's life against the lives of everyone else when making his decision.

But, you aren't like your dad.

And sure, you've screwed up plenty of times, but you and Sam, you've overcome everything thrown at both of you. If you can stop the Apocalypse, you can stop the Darkness.

You can save Sam.

You will save Sam.

No doubts about it.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:** Next chapter, Sam's back and Dean takes care of him while Sam deals with the aftermath of Hell. Please review if you have a moment. Thanks. _


	2. Consequences

_**Author's Note:**_ _I can't even handle what happened on the latest episode. Nope, my heart can't take it. Anyways, let's focus back on Dean and his guilt. Please enjoy this final chapter!_

* * *

" _Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time."_

― _Veronica Roth_

* * *

You can't really process what is going on anymore.

You've saved Sam, sure, but you've lost Cas and what's more, Lucifer is out and wreaking havoc all in the name of good supposedly. This was never supposed to happen, but it has and now you have to deal with the ramifications.

Starting with Sam first.

Your little brother is bandaged up—bruised ribs, a mild concussion, and various cuts and bruises all over—but it's not the physical injuries you're worried about most now. It's the invisible scars, the trauma hiding just under the surface, waiting to explode at a moment's notice.

You don't know what exactly your brother experienced while with Lucifer again. Sure you have a pretty good idea, but you can't ask him about it though, Sam has to want to open up about that kind of thing. If you press him too hard, he will shut down and he'll internalize the pain and be a good little Winchester and take it out on something stupid, like beer or a dangerous hunt.

So you watch and you wait.

Because Sam will want to talk about it—he always has been more in touch with his feelings than you, ever since he was little—and you will be there to listen. You'll reassure him that the choice Cas made isn't his fault and that together, the two of you can fix this fucked up situation.

But you're not sure if you can do that this time. The Darkness is bad enough but having Lucifer out in the world again? The last time you faced down the Devil, Sam threw himself into Hell. What would it take this time? What kind of sacrifice would you or your brother make?

Can you really watch Sam die, if it comes to that?

"I should've finished the Trials." Sam says, his voice barely above a whisper and your heart skips a beat as the terror from relieving that moment when you burst into that church consumes you.

Sam had been on the brink. He'd been ready to die, willing to die, and you pulled him back.

"Sam—"

"If I had just died," Sam mutters dully, his eyes devoid of any emotion. "None of this would've happened."

He's caught in one of his shame spirals, induced by whatever Lucifer said to him as well as Cas' crazy decision.

"If you had died," You say each word deliberately, trying to emphasize each syllable. It pains you that you even need to reassure Sam that his being here—alive—is not a mistake. But then, Sam has always suffered like this, always so ready to take the blame and use it to hurt himself.

But not today.

"If you had died," You start once more, "and you sealed the gates of Hell, do you really think it would've made a difference?"

Sam meets your gaze then, somewhat surprised by your question.

"What?" He murmurs.

"Think about it, you die and seal the gates, but would that really have been the end of it?"

"Of course!" Sam interjects, voice rising.

"No, Sam," You retort, "Crowley would've found a way out."

"You don't know that—"

"—and you'd have died in vain!"

"You don't know that!" Sam shouts, voice tinged with rage, syllables colliding into each other. He stands before you know, fists clenched, eyes burning with fury and he seems so little, so lost, like a child who doesn't know how to express what they feel.

"Sam."

"Cas is . . ." Your little brother huffs out a dark chuckle. "Cas is gone and why? Because I—"

"Because you what, Sam?" You challenge. "Because you said no? Because you somehow got Cas to say yes?" You shake your head, willing him to see what he's saying, to understand where you're coming from. "Sam, Cas made his choice. It was a stupid one, yeah, but it was his to make. Not yours. Not mine. His."

"But if I had just stayed—"

"His choice, Sam," You repeat, trying to get your little brother to put his big brain to use and realize the truth. "There was nothing you could've done. How could you have predicted this? Hell, I was with him and I didn't even see this coming!"

Sam weighs this for a moment and you can almost see the wheels turning in his brain as your little brother tries to find a way to still blame himself for what Castiel did.

For the longest time, there is silence. The fight seems to drain out of Sam, replaced by a weariness that you haven't seen in awhile. The kid is still hurting—Lucifer did toss him around and did God knows what else to him—and you need to take care of him.

That's what you do, after all.

You're there to pick up the pieces, to try and keep Sam from losing his marbles. You're his big brother and you will always be there for him.

"We'll get him back." Sam finally says and a soft smile graces your lips.

"No doubt about it."

"We'll stop Lucifer."

"We did it once, we can do it again."

"And we'll stop Amara."

"Of course, Sam."

Sam finally smiles at you and it feels like sunshine after a long storm, warm and full of peace. Words aren't needed to convey how the two of you feel. You've always been the one who's good at letting your actions do your talking for you, but for Sam, you've learned how to express yourself.

You have to believe you can set things right, for Sam's sake. Even though the odds are stacked against the two of you, even though the last time you faced Lucifer Sam paid the price for it—despite all this, you have to have faith. You and Sam, you've overcome a lot of obstacles. This is just one more.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

And when Sam embraces you, you can't help but grin.

This is what you fight for. This is what you would die to protect. You don't know what Cas was thinking when he agreed to let Lucifer in, but you do know how determined you and Sam are to fix things.

Together, the two of you are unstoppable.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:**_ _There will be two companion stories, one from Sam's POV and one from CAS' POV. The first is from Sam and will be entitled, "A Brief Respite" and will be posted within the next couple of days. Please review if you have a moment. Thanks!_


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